14by17 week 19

o, last week I skipped my post, but I have a good excuse; I was moving house!

I have been trying to make more of an effort in the areas where I was able to improve, and rather than make massive inroads into the areas of eating less junk (that’s going to take longer than I thought to properly accomplish), I have decided to be a little more active by simply moving around more often.

As you can see from the steps portion of the graph below, I have made an effort. For the last ten days (with the exception of one day) I have managed to get my step count over 5,000 steps, and it has been surprisingly easy to achieve – as long as I make that conscious effort.

The one day was when it was raining, but I no longer have an excuse with the running machine in the shed at the end of the garden, a good 20 minutes out there will make all the difference.

So, I’ll try to keep up the good work when it comes to walking around, then gradually introduce the control of the diet. I’ll get there but in steps.

14by17 week 16

If I were a reactionary man, I would be increasingly beside myself with despair, anger and rage that I am able to continue promising myself that I would lose weight, when in fact the exact opposite is true.

I’ve done nothing but put on weight since I started this as if concentrating on reducing my weight has had the exact opposite effect. As I managed to stop taking the nicotine pills a couple of days ago by sheer force of willpower – deciding one day that I would stop, and simply doing just that – I guess I could say that I’m waiting for the same approach to occur to me with my weight, but that isn’t happening any time soon.

Stopping taking lozenges is a change that can be applied by simply not doing something. By reducing the effort on a particular task to zero (and riding out the chemical changes and habitual changes that occur as a result), within 2 days, I can say that I have made the change, when in fact I am now doing less than I was doing before.

Losing weight requires a positive change – to a degree – while I can say that I can cut out the chocolate and crisps and junk food, that’s a continual change across a wide range of foodstuffs and a big range of emotional states. To add to this, an additional positive change is required in that I have to move about more often – and that is something that requires explicit effort and the environment that supports it.

Yes, reading that back, there are a large number of excuses in there. I can facilitate the extra movement by simply parking my car further away and learning to love the walk back and forth. I can work out of the Westminster office if I really feel like it, which adds a chunk of additional walking – albeit not as much as the journey via Enfield lock.

I can, with a bit of effort, go running in the morning. Yes, that’s going to need more work than anything else, but it’s something I really should do (and by saying that very phrase, I have condemned myself to never doing it).

And yes, eating junk – I still have work to do there. I want to be more comfortable with being hungry; I used to be but I’m not quite there yet. I can still get down to 14 stone.

14by17 week 15

And, as you would expect, having missed the due date for this post again, I’m still not in the mood to discuss why the weight is not doing any better, and I’m still not managing to do anything about it.

Actually, I do know – I’m simply not committed enough to making the change; I have the knowledge as to what to do, I haven’t taken the steps to make that reality yet.

yet.

14by17 week 14

I write this on a Sunday having missed my deadline for the first time since I started. It’s not that I was too busy, or that I forgot – well, I clearly did forget – but it wasn’t important enough for me to have put it to the front of my mind and for it to matter to me if it didn’t get done.

Based on what you can see in the graph below, that’s what is happening to my weight, too – no major changes except slowly up, and i have no idea how to summon the commitment to make the change. It’s not that I don’t know what needs to be done, but I can’t summon the commitment to make the changes I know I need to make.

I’m probably not in the best frame of mind to be thinking about this right now, so I’ll do what comes naturally and just put this off for another day.

14by17 week 13

April fools!

As suspected, the weight has gone up and down a tiny bit, and the walking about has fallen through the floor – this has everything to do with a slovenly easter and too much chocolate consumed.

I am making a concerted effort to not eat chocolate or other junk during the day, and it’s really paying off. I am working on my ability to control my desire to eat junk, and I can control it! As I knew would happen though, I do need to match this with increased activity and wait for a bit to see any gradual change for the better.

So right now, I keep on the right path, and wait – albeit while trying not to eat every chocolate easter egg in the house.

14by17 week 12

So this week is no better than the last. The weight increases, the steps increase also (thank god), and I have now pledged to not eat snacks at all, because there is no middle ground. I have to increase my activity, and reduce my consumption of fatty foods, or the increase will keep going and I will miss my goal by more than I started with.

So far, one day in, I’m not doing too badly. I do need to remember to do the same every day, and I must be prepared for my weight to go up before it starts to go down – there is progress that can’t be immediately arrested – but I’ll get there. I’m three months in and am worse off than when I started.

14by17 week 11

So, the attempt to do more walking seems to be working in fits and starts; my number of steps per day is climbing bit by bit. Not up to jogging or couch to 5k standards, of course, but getting there, I think – provided I can maintain the momentum. The important part of that is not hitting a certain amount of steps per day, but being in that mindset where I am prepared to get up and walk around every day; whether that is with Freddie at weekends, or on my own during the week when I’m at work.

The snacking still isn’t really under control though – I’m still finding myself drawn to snacks around the office, or I’m eating later in the evening that I’m happier with. I do need to rein both of those in so the gains from walking around more start to show up.

14by17 week 10

So, another week rolls around and as per usual, there are no dramatic changes to report. Well, I wouldn’t expect there to be in a short period of a week; perhaps I have managed to arrest the slow creep upwards, but I’m not in the hurry of reversing it yet.

This is the tyranny of measuring daily and reviewing weekly – it’s only over time the trends start to show. I’ve overlaid the steps I take every day now, for a further degree of data, but to be fair these vary so wildly from one day to the next that all they appear to do is add noise.

This weekend is the challenge – Lisa is away for the whole weekend, so the desire to binge eat crap will be very strong. Will I be able to resist, even for a little while? Well, let’s wait and see. I’ll let you know next week.

14by17 week 9

So, the trend is slowly upwards as usual, and I’m trying to control it. I haven’t taken big steps yet, but I like to think I’m getting there – slowly instilling the mindfulness I need, but still encountering problems that need to be addressed.

I’ve learnt today that constantly haranguing myself doesn’t work as a mechanism for making progress. All I end up doing is loathing my failures, and then slip easily into eating crap as an escape from the grim reality of failure.

Yeah, this week hasn’t been a good one.

14by17 week 8

Yeah, I’m not going to start kidding myself now – my weight is going up. It really is; it’s been climbing since Christmas and based on current behaviour it’s not going to stop any time soon.

I started tracking my steps and despite the apparent increase, I think the fact that I’m slightly mindful of the step count means I’m carrying my phone around with me every time I move – so this looks like an increase in activity when in fact it’s just an increase in tracking. I’m not doing the long walks I was doing before and combining that with the ongoing snacking is just not helping things along at all.

I wonder when I’ll make the actual realisation that I need to do something about this? Odd, isn’t it – i’m wondering when I’ll do something about the weight increases as if that’s someone elses job, rather than *actually my job to do*.

Harrumph. At least I’m not making pledges – these don’t work; I suppose at some point, when my trousers split or I simply can’t wear them any more, the point will have been made for me.

Right now I’m in observation mode, rather than activity mode.