And, as you would expect, having missed the due date for this post again, I’m still not in the mood to discuss why the weight is not doing any better, and I’m still not managing to do anything about it.
Actually, I do know – I’m simply not committed enough to making the change; I have the knowledge as to what to do, I haven’t taken the steps to make that reality yet.
I write this on a Sunday having missed my deadline for the first time since I started. It’s not that I was too busy, or that I forgot – well, I clearly did forget – but it wasn’t important enough for me to have put it to the front of my mind and for it to matter to me if it didn’t get done.
Based on what you can see in the graph below, that’s what is happening to my weight, too – no major changes except slowly up, and i have no idea how to summon the commitment to make the change. It’s not that I don’t know what needs to be done, but I can’t summon the commitment to make the changes I know I need to make.
I’m probably not in the best frame of mind to be thinking about this right now, so I’ll do what comes naturally and just put this off for another day.
As suspected, the weight has gone up and down a tiny bit, and the walking about has fallen through the floor – this has everything to do with a slovenly easter and too much chocolate consumed.
I am making a concerted effort to not eat chocolate or other junk during the day, and it’s really paying off. I am working on my ability to control my desire to eat junk, and I can control it! As I knew would happen though, I do need to match this with increased activity and wait for a bit to see any gradual change for the better.
So right now, I keep on the right path, and wait – albeit while trying not to eat every chocolate easter egg in the house.
So this week is no better than the last. The weight increases, the steps increase also (thank god), and I have now pledged to not eat snacks at all, because there is no middle ground. I have to increase my activity, and reduce my consumption of fatty foods, or the increase will keep going and I will miss my goal by more than I started with.
So far, one day in, I’m not doing too badly. I do need to remember to do the same every day, and I must be prepared for my weight to go up before it starts to go down – there is progress that can’t be immediately arrested – but I’ll get there. I’m three months in and am worse off than when I started.
So, the attempt to do more walking seems to be working in fits and starts; my number of steps per day is climbing bit by bit. Not up to jogging or couch to 5k standards, of course, but getting there, I think – provided I can maintain the momentum. The important part of that is not hitting a certain amount of steps per day, but being in that mindset where I am prepared to get up and walk around every day; whether that is with Freddie at weekends, or on my own during the week when I’m at work.
The snacking still isn’t really under control though – I’m still finding myself drawn to snacks around the office, or I’m eating later in the evening that I’m happier with. I do need to rein both of those in so the gains from walking around more start to show up.
So, another week rolls around and as per usual, there are no dramatic changes to report. Well, I wouldn’t expect there to be in a short period of a week; perhaps I have managed to arrest the slow creep upwards, but I’m not in the hurry of reversing it yet.
This is the tyranny of measuring daily and reviewing weekly – it’s only over time the trends start to show. I’ve overlaid the steps I take every day now, for a further degree of data, but to be fair these vary so wildly from one day to the next that all they appear to do is add noise.
This weekend is the challenge – Lisa is away for the whole weekend, so the desire to binge eat crap will be very strong. Will I be able to resist, even for a little while? Well, let’s wait and see. I’ll let you know next week.
So, the trend is slowly upwards as usual, and I’m trying to control it. I haven’t taken big steps yet, but I like to think I’m getting there – slowly instilling the mindfulness I need, but still encountering problems that need to be addressed.
I’ve learnt today that constantly haranguing myself doesn’t work as a mechanism for making progress. All I end up doing is loathing my failures, and then slip easily into eating crap as an escape from the grim reality of failure.
Yeah, this week hasn’t been a good one.
Yeah, I’m not going to start kidding myself now – my weight is going up. It really is; it’s been climbing since Christmas and based on current behaviour it’s not going to stop any time soon.
I started tracking my steps and despite the apparent increase, I think the fact that I’m slightly mindful of the step count means I’m carrying my phone around with me every time I move – so this looks like an increase in activity when in fact it’s just an increase in tracking. I’m not doing the long walks I was doing before and combining that with the ongoing snacking is just not helping things along at all.
I wonder when I’ll make the actual realisation that I need to do something about this? Odd, isn’t it – i’m wondering when I’ll do something about the weight increases as if that’s someone elses job, rather than *actually my job to do*.
Harrumph. At least I’m not making pledges – these don’t work; I suppose at some point, when my trousers split or I simply can’t wear them any more, the point will have been made for me.
Right now I’m in observation mode, rather than activity mode.
I have come to some sort of realisation, regarding my weight. Perhaps it has something to do with the fact that I was given another series of medication recently to control my blood pressure, and with any new course of medication, I always pause and consider my health and wellbeing.
Sure, I don’t rattle like a pill jar these days, but I still have to control my INR level through warfarin, and now control my blood pressure through another drug whose name escapes me at present. So, I consider my weight and the lifestyle I lead, and wonder if there is anything I really should be doing better.
I’m starting to take more notice and responsibility. I am starting to walk around a little more, and take more notice of the crap that I’m feeding myself, and saying “no” that little more often. But part of the realisation is another reliance on metrics and data that I’ve gathered for quite some time:
That graph above shows the number of steps taken per day for nearly two years now, and the increased density in the last year shows a direct correlation between physical activity and my weight loss. No surprise there, I hear you cry, but please note the right hand side – in the last couple of months the activity has dropped off dramatically. I have to do something about that.
Over the next week or so I’ll work out how to plot my steps data alongside my weight loss – adding to the public shaming – and I’ll add some more insight into the 14by17 journey.
I’m starting to wonder how long I can continue without major change in any direction.
Looking at the last week in particular, my weight has peaked and troughed but overall hasn’t really changed. I have made the major step (insert droll laughter here) of reviewing the couch to 5k programme and understanding what it expects of me; I have plans in place to do more walking both at work (during lunchtimes, I have walking routes in place) and at home – using the couch to 5k plan around the park.
The next step is actually to put on my training shoes and do the walking. At the very least I can put the trainers in my bag or in the car so they are accessible; this is about reducing the friction required to get out walking.
Beyond that, I do need to make a conscious effort to cut down on the junk. I am still allowing myself to slip far more often than I should, and am willingly allowing myself to slip rather than being aware of my consumption.