14by17 week 16

If I were a reactionary man, I would be increasingly beside myself with despair, anger and rage that I am able to continue promising myself that I would lose weight, when in fact the exact opposite is true.

I’ve done nothing but put on weight since I started this as if concentrating on reducing my weight has had the exact opposite effect. As I managed to stop taking the nicotine pills a couple of days ago by sheer force of willpower – deciding one day that I would stop, and simply doing just that – I guess I could say that I’m waiting for the same approach to occur to me with my weight, but that isn’t happening any time soon.

Stopping taking lozenges is a change that can be applied by simply not doing something. By reducing the effort on a particular task to zero (and riding out the chemical changes and habitual changes that occur as a result), within 2 days, I can say that I have made the change, when in fact I am now doing less than I was doing before.

Losing weight requires a positive change – to a degree – while I can say that I can cut out the chocolate and crisps and junk food, that’s a continual change across a wide range of foodstuffs and a big range of emotional states. To add to this, an additional positive change is required in that I have to move about more often – and that is something that requires explicit effort and the environment that supports it.

Yes, reading that back, there are a large number of excuses in there. I can facilitate the extra movement by simply parking my car further away and learning to love the walk back and forth. I can work out of the Westminster office if I really feel like it, which adds a chunk of additional walking – albeit not as much as the journey via Enfield lock.

I can, with a bit of effort, go running in the morning. Yes, that’s going to need more work than anything else, but it’s something I really should do (and by saying that very phrase, I have condemned myself to never doing it).

And yes, eating junk – I still have work to do there. I want to be more comfortable with being hungry; I used to be but I’m not quite there yet. I can still get down to 14 stone.

14by17 week 15

And, as you would expect, having missed the due date for this post again, I’m still not in the mood to discuss why the weight is not doing any better, and I’m still not managing to do anything about it.

Actually, I do know – I’m simply not committed enough to making the change; I have the knowledge as to what to do, I haven’t taken the steps to make that reality yet.


14by17 week 14

I write this on a Sunday having missed my deadline for the first time since I started. It’s not that I was too busy, or that I forgot – well, I clearly did forget – but it wasn’t important enough for me to have put it to the front of my mind and for it to matter to me if it didn’t get done.

Based on what you can see in the graph below, that’s what is happening to my weight, too – no major changes except slowly up, and i have no idea how to summon the commitment to make the change. It’s not that I don’t know what needs to be done, but I can’t summon the commitment to make the changes I know I need to make.

I’m probably not in the best frame of mind to be thinking about this right now, so I’ll do what comes naturally and just put this off for another day.

14by17 week 13

April fools!

As suspected, the weight has gone up and down a tiny bit, and the walking about has fallen through the floor – this has everything to do with a slovenly easter and too much chocolate consumed.

I am making a concerted effort to not eat chocolate or other junk during the day, and it’s really paying off. I am working on my ability to control my desire to eat junk, and I can control it! As I knew would happen though, I do need to match this with increased activity and wait for a bit to see any gradual change for the better.

So right now, I keep on the right path, and wait – albeit while trying not to eat every chocolate easter egg in the house.