John Leonard an audience of one.

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14by17 week 16

If I were a reactionary man, I would be increasingly beside myself with despair, anger and rage that I am able to continue promising myself that I would lose weight, when in fact the exact opposite is true.

I’ve done nothing but put on weight since I started this, as if concentrating on reducing my weight has had the exact opposite affect. As I managed to stop taking the nicotine pills a couple of days ago by sheer force of willpower - deciding one day that I would stop, and simply doing just that - I guess I could say that I’m waiting for the same approach to occur to me with my weight, but that isn’t happening any time soon.

Stopping taking lozenges is a change that can be applied by simply not doing something. By reducing the effort on a particular task to zero (and riding out the chemical changes and habitual changes that occur as a result), within 2 days, I can say that I have made the change, when in fact I am now doing less than I was doing before.

Losing weight requires a positive change - to a degree - while I can say that I can cut out the chocolate and crisps and junk food, that’s a continual change across a wide range of foodstuffs and a big range of emotional states. To add to this, an additional positive change is required in that I have to move about more often - and that is something that requires explicit effort and the environment that supports it.

Yes, reading that back, there are a large number of excuses in there. I can facilitate the extra movement by simply parking my car further away and learning to love the walk back and forth. I can work out of the Westminster office if I really feel like it, which adds a chunk of additional walking - albeit not as much as the journey via enfield lock.

I can, with a bit of effort, go running in the morning. Yes, that’s going to need more work than anything else, but it’s something I really should do (and by saying that very phrase, I have condemned myself to never doing it).

And yes, eating junk - I still have work to do there. I want to be more comfortable with being hungry; I used to be but I’m not quite there yet. I can still get down to 14 stone. graph to 22nd April